We Have to Hope

The last thing I’mĀ feelingĀ right now is hopeful.

What I’m mostly feeling right now is what most of us are probably feeling right now…

Uncertainty, irritation, fear.

Uncertain about the future of not just our immediate community but the whole world. I mean it really feels like we’re in a movie–the whole world working towards the same end. That only happens when aliens blow up buildings and Will Smith saves the day.

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The Dad I Didn’t Have

I’m going to be a dad. And I’m going to be a dad to a boy.

Erin and I found out that we were going to have a baby back in December. When she called me, in a bit of a panicked state, I was completely calm–almost excited.

I’m 34, that’s not old but I still started to feel that if I were destined to be a dad it would have happened by now. And, this is only biologically speaking. I’m still close with my ex-girlfriend’s daughter, Laila. I’ve been in her life since she was one and she’s going to be seven. She’ll always be my Bug and even without a biological connection I’ll always love her as if there was one. Read More

Why Not You?

Don’t answer that!

It’s a stupidly easy question to answer.

I don’t have the money.

I don’t have the resources.

I don’t have the talent.

I don’t have what they have.

It’s stupidly easy to see the stupid amount of roadblocks between us and success. We are naturally negative creatures with built-in psychological mechanisms that whisper to us why we can’t do anything. Probably has something to do with evolution. Survival of the fittest. That sort of thing–self-preservation. Read More

Maintaining Mediocrity

A good friend at my recent book signing looked down at the five books I had on display at the signing table and asked, “How the hell do you find time to do this on top of working full-time and everything else you have going on?”

I really hadn’t thought about it like this and the easiest thing I could think to say to Chris was, “When you love something, you always find time for it.” Read More

Everything Hurts

I moved back to Pittsburgh from Los Angeles in 2017. My heart was broken and so was my bank account. The only thing that I seemed to be able to get myself to do was go to the gym. I had belonged to LA Fitness when I lived in California and switched my membership over when I moved back home. I was pretty relentless, even doing “two-a-days” meaning, exactly as it sounds, going twice a day.

The thing that I was most consistent with was ensuring that I got on the StairMaster for at least 20 minutes every day. Again, sometimes twice a day when the anxiety was biting just a little harder than usual. It was my brokenness and shattered heart that pushed me to go. With everything else so outside of my control, this was the one thing that I could control. Read More